Random Thoughts

I’m leaving in a couple of hours. Packing is almost done. Kinda nervous. First time taking tiger airways to India. I hope that the flight journey would be smooth. Although im pretty excited for the wedding that i will be attending over there, i know that the whole trip is gonna be tiring. The 2 weeks that i would be there would involve alot of social interaction. Meeting of alot of relatives, immediate and long distance. Striking up conversations,acting interested in things that im not really interested in. Making good impressions on pple. Dressing up in pretty costumes and smiling alot. hahaha. U know all these requires quite a bit of effort. and also im not in my territory, not somewhere that im familiar with, that i’m comfortable in. Even though pple there are really very nice and friendly n stuff, the introvert me would always crave some alone time, some privacy, some familiarity.

Worst i forgot most of the names and faces that i met the other time i went back, so have to get reacquainted with some of them. Besides me, my sis and my mum, one of my cousins in singapore is also following us on the trip.She is someone whom i used to be close to when i was young but not anymore. That’s almost equals to travelling with a stranger. And she is in a total different league as compared to me. I dun think we would be able to click well. She is too much of a typical singaporean indian. But well, i guess it is a good opportunity to get to know her better. lol, but today im in a “what’s the point” kinda mood. Haix..hope my mood becomes better by the time i reach India.

There’s this feeling of lingering sadness that i’m having. I cant really figure it out. It feels as though something is ending. As though im leaving something really important behind. And i feel even when i come back, i’m not gonna get it back. Or at least things would not be the same anymore. I know i shld nt be feeling so emo, im supposed to be excited for the trip.But just cant help it.

And to you, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not being able to be who i can be to you. I’m sorry for hurting you, for causing you pain in any way. If u had thought i’d been playing games, i’m sorry for that too. I’m sorry to myself too, for feeling too much, caring too much, expressing too much when i know and should have figured out that you dont give a damn. The signs were there, i guess i was just ignorant. Perhaps she really does mean more to you, she really is more important to you,and maybe all these while everything was about her..who knows huh..i guess i would not want to find out, that would hurt too much. But i did not regret any of this stuff. I do not regret you,the feelings and the memories. In fact, i think it will take a long while to fade. It has to. We both need to move on. The next phase of our lives.